If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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