you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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