My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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