Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize