He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
