the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
