Can i not drive my cunt home
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
