There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
