like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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