So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
