i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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