I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize