I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize