I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
