This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
