I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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