sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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