What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
