she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
