So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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