and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
