can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
