she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
