im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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