The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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