I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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