Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
