so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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