He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
