Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
