im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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