found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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