did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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