I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
