The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
