Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Alive.
So much puke
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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