I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
