How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How's work?
Spinning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
