Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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