Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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