That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
