I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
