You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
