Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pants are for mortals
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
