Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
