Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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