I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
