I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
