I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
