no, he came in my armpit
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
