i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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