He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
