i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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