your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
