Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
