...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
