my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
