she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
