WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
