my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
