sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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