I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
