I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So many bounce houses so little time
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
