You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's the barista slut.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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