you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
