Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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