Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
