Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
