i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
