My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
