how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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