omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
