I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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