He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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