My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
