just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
