Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
