he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're too hungover to prance.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
