So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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