fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize