proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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