Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
