great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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