I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
