You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
