Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
