Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am one with the molecules
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
