those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
