cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont even know how to be here
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
