I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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