wakey wakey hands off snakey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
