i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
