Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
