so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
