Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
