I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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