please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
