It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
